so FAR so AWAY

Its been a long time, its been a high time.. You had been away so far. I want to tell you that I want to see you, I want to feel how it is to be with you, how it feels to sit with you, how it feels to walk along you, how it feels to hold your hand in hand.. How it feels to be in your arms.. Every time you had always been on my thoughts, with me & within me, not in front of my eyes but with in my eyes, my love.. Want to tell you that my eyes feel that wetness because it can’t see what it wants to.. it looks for you all the time.. You beat in my heart I can feel you there baby but look at me how paralyzed I’m that keeping you so near to me, actually in me, but i still can’t touch you.. its not easy baby to live. I want your near, I want you close.

My love is like moon, always I can see, always I can feel, I know always she keep her eyes on me.. But still cant be together at the same earth, Oh! God what a love, what a destiny, Why you kept my love so away from me.. cant you see that I’m dying without her, cant you see how alone I am without her. At least if you cant let her know then please let me be with her once, so that I can be with her and I can look into her eyes hold her hand and say that she is the only one who is not there in my life, she is the one who made my living so difficult because of her absence, I want to tell her that I have everything except her and whatever I don’t have I don’t want because I want you the most. She is the biggest desire, Oh my Love! You are the dream I dreamt most in my life. There could not be the peace like a peace in her arms, there could not be ever such a beauty like the beauty in her eyes. You know I feel like I could not say it better than my eyes can, the pool of my eyes is flooded with the over whelming love of yours.

Sorry that I am complaining but you went away from my life even though you knew that I loved you so much. Even though you knew that I could not have survived without your love. Even though you knew that the only prayer that I do is I pray for you. If you could not have known this then that could have been a different thing but you agreed this that you knew it. I know you always want me to be happy and you ask me to be happy but you taught everything to me except how to live without you, how to live happy without you ? I know you are somewhere out there knowing that I am missing you and when I am missing you I cant be happy but you still want me to continue missing you and be unhappy. Tell me who will take this blame, tell me who I will tell it to, tell me how I will live with all these questions in me. I can do a lot of things to keep me busy, there are too many crappy things to do but I am afraid that I still cant keep you away from my thoughts for a single time, because I don’t want to be happy without you baby.

At the end just want to tell you that please come back, come back and make me alive with your love please don’t be SO FAR SO AWAY.

Suffer For U..

In the corner beside my window there hangs a lonely photograph there is no reason I’d never notice a memory that could hold me back, there is a wound that’s always bleeding, there is a road I’m always walking, and I know you’ll never return to this place, gone through days without talking, there is a comfort in silence, so used to losing all ambition, struggling to maintain what’s left, once undone, there is only smoke burning in my eyes to blind to cover up what really happened force the darkness into me..
She went away, and I’m here to stay, forever in this decaying cell of my heart. Trapped between myself and myself. And you ask me why my eyes would cry bitter blood tears. Why I would lament a god-willed state. A forfeit I shall be, and accept this as my fate. A useless thought ruling on my head, preaching me of its inevitable pain and unyielding thoughts. A foreseeable scene of what is yet to come, and how life will end with no regard of how it is converting to ash and dust. “You believe the eyes only rest once when lastly glazed with the eyes yours, as I take you under my wings of eternal slumber. But I am in every dismal face, scattering pieces of the captured soul. I take your pain into me; your mortal loss is solely my gain. Into my hollow dark heart, you find your remains. So why fear me as life passes you by if the moment you’re born you begin to die? I suffer for you.. Why ?

L I E S .

I’ll stay here forever, blocking out the bright vivid colors of your lies. Ever will the touch of your flesh haunt me, the folds our blankets made in the darkness of the night, the thoughts we shared under the moonlight. Broken promises never intended to ever hurt a living soul so dear, ripping holes in my chest.Fresh blood everyday, oozing from my gapping wounds, trickling down my body causing my life to be a world of bloody lies, crimson with hate.The taste of you, forever lasting upon my tounge, i’m etching closer to that sweet smell of pain. now solitude is every thing to me, there’s nothing more that I want…Wrap me in all coldness, hold me, don’t stop until I’m gone…Let me feel your cold touch, feel you, feel pain all over my body… Release my soul from your existence. release my soul and curse me to darkness. Darkness falling down upon an open bleeding slab. Piercing through the night like nothing ever has Slipping smoothly through all the cracks For which were never really known . A cold damp darkness that once felt can never be removed The dark of sadness that pierces ever wound. And as i crash upon a hollow ground, All i ever knew begins to fade beyond my sight Stealing away all happiness and joy from my eyes. This is a place where such a happiness cannot exist. A place where the darkness never loosens its strong grip. Where all hope of ever escaping is lost to an empty nothingness,Where the only thing that ever falls besides myself Is a storm of tears falling to an empty ground Forever falling through the night Without the smallest glimmer of sunshine A darkness only known by those who has been cursed by you and your crimson lies..

Questions ??

I sometimes find I’m drifting, Through this life without any effect, often wonder if I’m truly worth what I’ve been blessed. I search through days that have been hard, To try to understand, The many trials that I have known, The life that I have had.
You see me in my daily grind, So confident and strong. Yet when everybody retires after the end of the day, when I am alone, I question Just where I belong.I often try too hard I find, To analyze and guess, To scrutinize, investigate about my life. i find no answer . Someday I will confess.For somewhere deeper, there must be some meaning to this life, Some way to make a difference,Give a reason for this quest. Is there some hidden meaning? Some agenda to be found ? A greater purpose waiting If I care to hang for some more time ? sometimes It teases and it taunts me,Always slightly out of sight, A hazy vision out of reach,Where darkness hides the light. I struggle to bring clarity, to what awaits me there, And yet this weak illusion always fades before my stare.It seems the harder that I try, To focus through the blurred, Just serves to add more questions,Through my endless, tired gaze.Perhaps I’m trying just too hard,To understand it all,For can we ever truly know just what we have in silence? Each incident, each moment passed,Just adds upon the next,But in the end, will I find truth …Or will I be cursed?Perhaps I make it harder than it has to be sometimes,But will my searching bring to me my meaning over time?Or will it leave me broken and confused, as I feel now,While questions brings me just utter silence and solitude.

AFTER YOU..

Things happening in my life would come to an end.. i don’t know when.. Its a big suffering that you gave, there had been lot many people who awarded with the pain.. you also joined them WHY although i loved you.. loved than more than you did, loved you more than i did to me.. why you had to give this pain to me. I know things were not so easy, i know there were too many problems but i also knew that we together could have erased those problems from this chapter of our life. But why you lost the patience? why you lost the faith in your love? why you let you be so weak that you got so helpless.. i never did anything less to make you loose on my love but i think now that, if i could have done things less that could have been much better at least today i could not have been in such a situation where in i could have been so paralyzed and dead to me..
Everything around is still same.. the world is still the same, people around me is still the same.. arms of the clock on the wall still moves on the same way same speed.. why the clock makes me feel that i am so helpless and i cant even help me to do things.. why it tells me that i am left behind in the time and the changes that it brings i cant cope that.. why i am so lost ? why i feel like the painting on the wall has nothing to do other than hanging myself to the wall. This room is killing me.. the room that you gave to my love.. i m locked in the room, i cant come out, its all so suffocated here its very difficult to breathe.. come and feel the darkness, i cannot see anything my mind is jammed, the beats in the heart is so painful.. look at the wings that you gave me to fly i want to fly in your love but i cant its so impossible to shred the wings like shredding the skin… i know you left, left me but with me you left all your memories, you left all the pain you left all the thoughts to live with..
I can tell you that i had been crying.. .its so different than what you know me.. i am so broke.. its all so silent here but still i can hear just you.. i wish i could call you back.. i could stop you but i cant, i beg come back.. please don’t go.. you gonna save my life.. please don’t go..
I know we will have to meet somewhere again, maybe in a different age different time in different forms.. But i will always be there around you.. and i will keep you always in me.. Till then want to say after you I MISS YOU and We will be together again..
my life..
It can never be AFTER YOU..

Broke..

A big day in life.. Has go a lot to say about this day but dont know where to start from. seems like everything is so important and i want to talk about just everything.
This is so mysterious that somebody comes in your life, promises every moment and then goes away forgetting all the promises that was made. For me this year had a great start, You came in my life and put the shine everywhere. My life was not so bad before you came in.. all though nothing was so good to keep me happy but i was habituated to what ever i had. You came to my life and i felt that everything is so good and i am so happy with everything that i have after you. Everyday was a treasure to me with you. I waited every second for you when you were not there, when you were there i could not ever stop myself by saying I LOVE YOU.
But still God had made decisions for me which presently i don’t like, i know some day things will become a memory and we will always think that if it could have happened then how it could have been.. similarly how life could have been. But somebody said thinking about something doesn’t changes anything.. is it really true, sorry i do not agree. If i will not think how will i plan, if i will not plan how will i act accordingly, and if i will not act how will i live. I know that God gave me this life to live.. But how without you, you taught me to live with you but why you did not teach me to live without you as well. I am so surprised that how come i let myself so involved in you that i never thought any thing ever without you.. what ever i did you were there so i was able to do..
i dont know why i am writing this i know she will never read it.. she will never know that i was so alone and needed her so much even when she hated me..

I knew its LOVE

You feel complete for the first time in your life. You feel understood for the first time. You don’t feel alone anymore. You feel like you’ve come home. You feel them with you no matter where you go. You feel their thoughts and they feel yours. You feel your spirit mix and mingle with theirs. You now know you can handle and do anything, nothing is too great. You feel encouraged and empowered by them. You long to be with them whenever away. You feel content, happy, and satisfied. You feel when talking with them that you are talking to yourself. When you look deeply into their eyes, you see and find yourself. Within them you find answers to the deepest of questions. You’re in a constant state of wonderment. With this person astonishment, awe, and surprise never end… you are truly in awe of them. You finally understand, you finally get the meaning, the message of life and love.

confession

Life often takes drastic turns. At times we may not know what is ahead. I have found solace in following your lead, confident that we are capable of facing whatever challenges may lie ahead. I look forward to spending an eternity with you. A compliment of you is what I strive to be. I am confident that we will live together for an indefinitely long time. Why?
I love you. I love you in every sense of the word. I love you with warm and personal affection, as a close friend. I love you as a dear family member. I love you romantically. Most of all I love you with the strongest form of love, principled agape love; a love that is an unselfish concern for doing what is right and good, whether it appears to be deserved or not. It is a love that covers mistakes. It provides the basis for “putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely.” Granted we all make mistakes, but this love allows us to forgive. This principled agape love never fails. It is a perfect bond of union.
I deeply respect you. I want to honor you by being kind to you, respectful of your dignity and expressed views, and ready to fulfill any reasonable request made of me. I want to show my deep respect by considering what is best for you and giving that priority. I understand and accept that we may not always agree. It would be unreasonable to expect us to have identical opinions and views on everything. However, I do respect your views and opinions. I want to show my respect for your dignity as well by not making you the object of demeaning jokes or comments.
Because of the love and deep respect I have for you, I feel we can overcome any obstacles that may lie ahead. I feel we can have a happy future together, forever. There are many things I need to work on, many things I want to do but have yet to accomplish. I really need to work at communicating. Good communication flourishes when there are gently spoken words, gracious looks and gestures, kindness, understanding, and tenderness. I know I have failed at times to be understanding and to speak gently and for this I am truly sorry. While learned behavior is not an excuse for me to act in such a way, it may assist you in understanding. There are many personality traits I need to improve on. I find more and more aspects of my personality that need improvement each day. Please be patient with me as I try to make these improvements.
I am trying. I am trying to do what you need me to do. I am being patient but I must admit I am confused and slightly frustrated when my efforts to provide you with, what I believe to be, what you need are met with a less than positive reaction. At times I feel no matter what I do, or how, I am only going to succeed in causing you pain. I am being patient, and will continue in my patience, hoping to gain understanding in time.
I am learning to keep your interests first. You think this cannot be learned, I disagree. I have lived the majority of my life putting the needs of others first. However, for self-preservation I began putting myself first in order to avoid extreme pain and heartache. I had been trampled and beaten so often that in order to save my self from more harm I needed to put my interests first. I know I am capable of putting your needs, wants, and desires first and foremost. I know because it was a challenge to make myself less selfless and more selfish. I do love you and trust you completely. I need to recondition myself and readjust my thinking. I know you will not cause me any intentional harm. This knowledge allows me to make myself vulnerable again. I am able but most of all I truly desire to look out for your best interests instead of my own.
I love you sincerely, without reservation. I respect you deeply.

I understand that you travel in BMW but do you’ve a friend to walk along when your BMW is broke ?

This content I’m writing about relations. A human is born with relation, but then time take away this relation. Whether it’s a born relation like parents or siblings or any relation in this world. I’m surprised that why it happens if God takes it away then Why he gives us with a relation. Sometimes we pray and ask God for a relation to stay in our life, sometimes without asking we get the relation in our life that’s so strange.. If somebody comes in our life and then they quit from our life WHY they don’t have the right to do it.. to come and go.. it shouldn’t happen.. I being a human I understand human emotions but why other people can’t ? I feel God should make some rules and stop this bad practice so that at least someone like me doesn’t looses on the relations in life. Its very strange in life that somebody who we do not expect to be loyal and kind to us comes out to be the BEST one in our life and sometimes the one I expected to b loyal and kind went away of life .. not even saying the reason why they left.. that person didn’t even give you chance for you to make things better and solved. And that thing is called a cheating in life.. “YOU CHEATED WITH ME IN LIFE” God bless you friend and I hope that the life doesn’t cheats you and you being a cheater still there are people around you who is being loyal and not cheating on you. I faced up you on my face so that I be the one you wanted me to be but still you said that I’m being ugly & double face to you. However, you didn’t ever realize that you made me that two face. It’s not still the end, life has too many unwrapped gifts for everyone the way I’m unwrapping gifts everyday, sometimes good sometimes bad, you’ll also unwrap too many gifts in life my friend. It could be friend or a enemy for you, now you need to choose which gift you want to unwrap my friend.
I’ve learned in my lifetime so far that you can’t help who you fall for and no matter how hard you try and how much it hurts every day, you still want to be with them or just talk to them you never stop trying to make them happy by the little things you say or do because thats what makes your life worth going on.. but still that person walks away from your life just for the hake of getting a good chance of getting a good one. WAOW ! what a beautiful life God make us to live. I thank you for coming in my life and then walking away leaving my hand & me on the lonely way of life.. I thank you for giving such a good experience in life and making me learn a good thing about life. I can walk alone and alone can make the wonders happen. I will make sure that I don’t become the same like you because now I’ve known that how much it hurts to someone who you leave alone in the starry darkness for who you were the only light to travel through the pain of life.
“I thought of building a bridge between us but you chose to build a wall….” I wanted you to stay in my life so that I can make it beautiful and you could enjoy the beauty but you chose it to be ruined and stink to you, so its not my fault. “SORRY”.
“I was born with relations but time made me orphan”