I never knew that i will be that alone without you… till the time i lived without you… Tumhari bahut yaad aati hai.. but i dont want to say that i miss you b’cz i know you are pissed of listening to me everytime sending you a text or saying that “I miss you”.. it has become a common statment to you isn’t it. But shouting about it for a long time doesnt decreases my pain for missing you.. i still want you to know and understand that i’m so alone without you and i need you, need you the most. I still have the zeal left in me which can cry out for life and can tell you that i miss you always.. whenever i feel of the coming time i find it still difficult for me to survive.. beacuse i miss you.. i want you to be there in that time and want you to understand me that i missed you so much in the time that i just spent, spent without you, which i never wanted to and i’m so sad because of that. The time i lived without you bothered me alot and dont want to be bothered anymore.. i want to be with you.. i want you to take out some of your precious time for me.. and feel, feel for me that what i’ve been going through without you..The time become so tough with me.. and life become so difficult to live. It feels like i dont get response from half of my heart and only half of my heart beats, the rest is so numb. I feel like i cried river for you and you didnt care for that.. because its been so usual to you, isnt it..?
Having said all the above things.. i still confess that i want to tell you that i miss you so much, i want you to please understand that and come back to me with the love that only you can give.. the calmness that only your company can give.. the acknowledgement that only you can do.. B’cause your hand is the only hand that can wipe my tears and none can.. I MISS YOU..


Here is what happens to everyone.. i suppose… So IT HAPPEND with me as well.
For sure but someone comes once in life and knocks the door of your closed heart.. asks weather she can come in. Someone came to my heart knocking my closed door of heart, I didnt knw that time what to say.. but i kept thinking and till the time i was able to respond she was allready in my heart and thereby in my life…
She turned my world around… like a hurricane that hit my world strongly… which probably, i was never able to stop.. i dont know how but i told her things that i never shared with anyone. She absorbs everything that say and actually wanted me to say more and more. She never thought if she could stop me and could tell me that shut up.. its been enough.. i’m tired of listening to your crap.. just stop it here.. she never told me that.. she makes me feel that she likes me alot and loves me for the words that i’m able to describe to her.. I shared all my hopes for future, my dreams which will never come true, my goals that i had not been able to achieve yet and want to achieve in my life and i also shared all the disappoinments that people & life has thrown at me. When anything that happens.. its like i go so crazy to tell her about it that i cant wait for her call to come in and i keep on ringing her with the hope that she will be the most happiest person in the world to know about it.. and if its bad.. she will be the best to console me on that.. She doesn’t make me feel embarrased for anything, weather i’m crying for anything or making fool of myself but she always makes me feel good and better about all the things around. She didn’t ever tells me that you’re not good enough to do this, she doesnt hurts me.. but tries and keep my scattered pieces of my heart in place and shows that things are still so beautifull and i’m capable of bringing real life to the several lives that i live everyday. Its so surprising sweet that when you are around me i feel no jealousy, no pressure in my life but only the calmness all around in my life and so peace at heart. I can be myself all the time without being so worried that what you will think of me because you love me for who i am not for who i can be.
I want to tell you that color seems more brighter.. my happiness seems to be the happiest.. when i’m with you. Just a call and a text from you during the day helps to get me through a long and tiring day and somewhere relax me alot… those things which probably i never had intrest on seems to be more facinating because of the fact that you like it…
I want to tell you that since the time you entered in my life… life is so meaningfull and important to me.. The impossible joys that you bought to my life is so possible now beacuse of you. Life is so exciting and worthwhile because of you sweet.
I’m so scared of loosing you BUT still want to keep the hope that you will remain a good friend to me and be so loyal throughout the time i live..
My Love to you is to be continued sweet…

When "I see U"

I write these words because fortunately or unfortunately i felt these… i wish you could also feel these while reading, the same way as i did..
when i see you, i see you upside down and my heart throbs a lil more. My heart says silently OH ! HOW BEAUTIFUL SHE IS.. i look into your lil brown eyes which shines.. And shows the beauty inside, it lets me know silently that how happy you are seeing me though you dont say the same in words, but your eyes do.. I see in them and tries to find out the depth of the words that you say, I get to know you more i suppose when i look into your beautiful eyes.. I’m being honest saying that i listen you less and i see you more or rather i feel you more.. And when i ask you what did you say ? Some how you get to know that i was lost in looking at you and knowing this, you smile .. My heart gets shocked again and here she smiles again.. OH ! WHAT A SMILE.. that beautiful smile takes my breathe away, i forget everything in me and just know you.. You’re the one i was looking for, till now in my life. Things have come alive.. My dreams again fly.. fly higher in the sky.. i wish i could hold your beautiful face and tell you that you are THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL I’VE EVER KNOWN and want to tell you that I LOVE YOU SO MUCH & I’M AFRAID OF LOOSING YOU.. please dont ever make me loose you and please save me of getting paralised, i know i will/and i get so numb when you go away.. but i cant help it you are the only one who can make things work for me but i dont know how should i make you understand that, i’m not complaing this to you… i know you do understand that but its just that things are not, right for now.. But as we’ve known each other now.. and we dont want to loose each other now, so God will make things happen as per what we’re honest about.. You know your smile and your glittering eyes hyptonises me for the coming time..

Always URs

I will always be the one you tried… be the one you find.. be the smile to your lips.. be the blush of your face.. be the tears in your eyes of sorrows and smile.. be the one you cared about.. be the one you lived with in your time.. be the one to love you always… i’m sure about these things because my heart truly said that.. you’re the one, the only love of m life.. i will truly be yours.. and love you always..


I feel the joy of smiles upon myself. My heart skips its beats until it ceases entirely. Time ceases to exist when i talk to you, for nothing outside this world matters to me but you and your joy. There is a sun inside my heart as i think of you making me burn with a fiery passion. You are my sun my most dearest of all and i love You more than all of life itself. Crazy for you is what i am its as clear as day. The pain from before is gone as i know your joy is there again and that fills my heart with brightness. I love you so and that is for certain for i am no longer a hurten. I ache for you so much i love you beyond the word itself… And thats how i say it that…. I love you… LOVE YOU THE MOST…

She says be HAPPY :-)

I havent heard from her for the past few days properly. I dont want to be annoying so dont text or call much now but when i’m out of control then i call .. I get no response. she does not answer.
I cant breath… I want to cry and scream. ..I feel like I have been punched in the gut. I love her, she hurts me so freaking bad.. I want to scream but instead I say, that I understand. I am hurt but not mad.. I am happy for her. I am left scrambeling. She says she feels awful but now she cant cheat to my mind.. I DO understand this. She says she hopes i will stay happy.. I tell her too to be happy… i keep on thinking then lost in my world…
then when we talk.. she catches me upset and and asks me what happend to telll me but what should i say her… I want to scream LOVE ME DAMN ! She asks again and again and I tell her I am fine.
I wonder if she is the prettiest.. I wonder she is most beautiful… I dreamt of but now it is squashed! I wonder.. is there REALLY another girl in the world like you ? I bet no.. there’s not. I wonder how and why …!!!
But mostly I wonder how I could have been so insanely stupid. How could I believe this love ?
I put A LOT on the line.. maybe it wasnt all for HER .. maybe it was because I know the place I am in now is not good and SHE was my way out.. Im not sure
All I know is this hurts reall fucking bad !

"its not easy"

It’s not an easy so if anyone tells you it is, it doesn’t matter how long or how short you lasted, the thing is you were together and there were memories and that makes it hard… It’s usually the small ones that pain the most…
Small but the impact is huge, or the ones you never really thought of and then BANG hehehe it all comes flooding back.. How bout all the hopes for the future you held, it’s hard letting go of all that.. It’s not impossible, its just hard.
You sometimes sit there and all you do is hurt yourself, because the harder you try not to think of it the easier it is to. It sucks also being with someone else, because there is always those familiar traits that the one before had that keeps popping up, like when I had my first kiss then its so difficult to kiss anybody honestly… we try but my heart hurts and I back up… all you do is get scared, because you knew, you know exactly what happend the last time you went there and you’re still dealing with the aftermath of losing such a precious moment and experience…
My advice is learn… Be strong, not weak. You’re worth more than that… Don’t settle for anything smaller this time around… RESPECT yourself and know that it just wasn’t meant to be and there is someone out there who is MEANT TO love you enough to fight… Someone who will love just as much… Accept what you don’t have and cherish what you do… Even if they are just memories, but do not be held back or down by them. You are more than those memories… You still have a future, with you happy in it.
Love is still there… In you ~smiles~ you’ll get over that person… Don’t worry if feels like it’s impossible, but it is… Eventually one day possible and you will stop thinking about the memories.. Eventually you’ll be surprised at the fact that you don’t jump at the mention or sight of him/her… Eventually you will feel love and you will strugle to remember him/her… How it was and how it isn’t… It’s not easy…

Kill That

Its my time lol..see..how lucky i am..i got thrown away.. bt it hurts even better now..its like smbdy is having a nice time putting a chainsaw in n out from the area below my left shouldr..jst kinda lil below it. coz the bloody lil red fella is throbbing, and throbbing hard..wtf..cnt u jst shut down n make me at peace..i swear nxt time if i fall 4 nebdy..m gna kil dat blody bastard…i wish if my heart was sm actual person, he would be beaten n bloody by now..and i would’ve found him in a recluse..crying himslf to death.i do promise myslf dis moment..m nvr gna let nebdy in again.m gna shut it in..nvr letting nebdy clos to it..cus they jst knw how to hurt u, use u, insult u, disrespect u, laugh at ur expense,….i swear..

Dont use ME

No mattter what and however you understand me but i will still be a mystery to your thoughts and understanding, may be its beacause i was born a mystery.. just get your heart in me and you will understand. Because of you i always try to prove to myself that “nothing else can go wrong” or “it cannot get any worst” than what it is. I often ask myself ..”How much stress can one person handle”, but i get answered that “still more” untill the breath stops and heartbeat stops. I try to be positive more and more i can and try to be more entertaining so that i have everyone around me smiling but i fail.. i genuilnely want to be a nice person to everyone.. but everone uses me as a door mat, cleaning their dirt on me and walk all over me again and again.. thats not i’m for..


Though my mind may be tired, bu my heart is still strong as you always keep on lightning it. I feel the pain of thousand heartbeats breaking as i start to miss you, which is beyond description. My thought flies higher than the clouds i feel with the butterflies inside me as i think of you. I’m addicted to you and you are my favourite drug without which i feel like i’m loosing my breathe and being pushed far in the unseen darkness. But still my love gets brighten up more and more everytime i see your smile shining like a sunlight. I love you more than these words can explain. I know that my wishes are beyond imagination and impossible that it wants u to hold forever and never let you go.


When i was alone sitting there i saw a couple and thought.. will they be together for all the time or its just a matter of few days or may be few months and they are separated. and then probably they don’t even want to see each other ever, the same couple who used to be so desperate to see each other, lied many a times to parents to friends just to see each other.. but now things have changed now they don’t love each other, now there exists just the memories which bring sometimes sadness or sometimes smile on their faces.. But will have to live without each other.. no matter sad or happy..
I wish we could remain same and dont ever change..

Being Unwanted !!

The pain of being unwanted can only be felt when you become uwanted for anyone. People ignore you hate you but still keep on looking for someone who can be your for all the time. You look at people, sitting alone somewhere, you see them roaming around with someone talking to someone, everbody wants someone and they have it…. but why this unwanted creature have no one who could want him and doesnt get ignored… i wish i could also feel that i live in the world created by GOD where human lives and god made them so loving but why do they forget that people around them are also human and need the same love and care as they need it from someone else..
“my eyes looked into yours and asked you to read my desire that i wanted you to love me and dont hate me i’m just love at heart and noting else.. you can take away all my pain and lonliness that kills me every moment and make me pessimist with all the thoughts.. somewhere i had been living you and not me and i know why .. just to be with you all the time.. i struggled alot to be with you.. but why it is so difficult for you to understand.. theway you need it i need the same way..

The Journey..

Had travelled my life for long. Got too many people to know, few were so bad few were so nice. But what was difficult was to survive then, with the people like them. They gave me too many things to learn. Never yet found the one who can really make me feel that this is the end and i will be the one standing beside you, no matter what you do but will have always you… no matter even if i needed to correct and mke you understand but i know you can do it all for me..and will be so easy to live me in you.. people come promising life and lie but they go promising that you can never be by myside.. you lied to me lied to the heart.. my mind which always said that you still need to live on your own dont trust .. people.. who can never be yours..